Potty training…hmm… two words that strike fear into the hearts of parents of toddlers everywhere. Not me. I exuded confidence. I was in control. I had a plan, a schedule and stuck to it. I trained a 22 month old boy while nursing a two month old infant all on my own in less than 2 days! Pat me on the back. Call me SUPERMOM. I got this thing down….that was then….2003…what a year…

Have you noticed that just when you think you got it all together, something happens to remind you that God is REALLY in charge, and you aren’t? I’m talkin’ super-humility… Twins have done that to me in so many, many ways. I think God is just smiling as I learn one thing after another…

God is the only reason my twins are learning because without Him, I am truly nothing. I turn to him on a daily, hourly, minutely (is that even a word?), basis for, yes, I can admit it, help! Save me from my enemies: my own reactive anger that swells up inside. Those puddles on the floor, carpet, rug, bed, toys, books, pillow, toys, etc.. The Nothing-else-is-getting-accomplished feeling, the self-doubt, the interruptions, the saying “No” 16,000 times a day, the saying “Wait” 32, 000 times a day.

I am really not a very good mom. What I mean is, I am being a good mom, but it is only through God’s grace, and not my own. I don’t want my kids to think, Sheesh! My mom’s got it all together, or Yikes, my mom is a basket case. Although most days I fall somewhere between those two. Alright, so I lean toward basketcase (those who know me well know exactly what I mean).

I want my children to think, yeah, mom was never perfect, but I can say that she loved Jesus. How do I communicate that to those four little minds? That ones that watch my imitation of the Muppets svedish chef while I am cooking and crack up. Those little eyes that watch me yell in frustration at the boys. Those hands that reach for one more book, hug, game. The ones I serve three meals a day. The little legs who run on trips to the zoo, gardens, doctors’ office, parks, libraries, etc.

But it’s really not about me or how I communicate it. Yes, they have seen me pray, and yes, they have seen me apologize and they’ve even extended their forgiveness. Mostly, I think they just have to see me love Jesus every day. This does not translate into - ”everybody go play while I read my bible chapter and drink my coffee”. This is more than that. This is my attitude toward the people we meet. The “friends” they make at the park, and the videos I say “no” to because it’s mommy’s God-given job to protect them. It’s my answer to the guy at the YMCA who asks, “How are you so patient with your kids?” and how that answer points to Jesus, and not me, or some parenting guru or book. It’s my pleasure in serving that communicates Jesus’ love. It’s not my complaining about having to clean the bathroom, AGAIN!

So when you pray for me, pray for less of me and more of JESUS!