Tuesday, February 26, 2008
When Science comes to you
Last week marked the total lunar eclipse. If you missed it, you will have to wait until December 20, 2010 and hope the weather's clear. Timothy just finished a class on space at the bookstore, learned about the phases of the moon, and we are reading a space book this month. All this and I didn't know the lunar eclipse was coming until the radio announced it. It seemed a fitting addition to our schooling and he stayed up late to watch the eclipse with Dad on a special outing. When I asked him what he thought, he said it was just like what we read: that ancient people used to think the moon was being eaten up by a dragon.
Sorry About That
Well, God is still teaching me things and I am still learning. Thank goodness He is patient and gracious. Here is what I am working on this week. I am learning what a true apology involves. First, what it is not.
A true apology does not apologize for WHO you are. God made you on purpose. Yes, you have shortcomings, otherwise known as opportunities for growth and dependence on God. However, when you apologize for your character, you aren’t taking responsibility or working on growth. For example, when I say, “I’m sorry, verbal communication is not my strong point.” While the statement is true, I shouldn’t be apologizing for it. The “I’m sorry” can even be taken at “I’m sorry you don’t like it, and I’m not working to change it.” I have been hugely guilty of this one.
Secondly, a true apology does not apologize for circumstances beyond your control. We have all said, “Oh, I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well.” This is another one for me. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry you bumped your head outside.” My six-year-old enlightened me, “You weren’t there, mom. It wasn’t you. Don’t say you were sorry.” This really makes me think. He’s right, it’s not MY fault. Yes, I feel bad he was injured and I should seek to comfort and help, but to apologize? Doesn’t that just put the emphasis on me? Ouch.
A true apology does not seek to escape conflict. Oh, you know who you are, you conflict-avoiders. This is a big one for me. I tend to apologize before I even understand the problem. This can drive your spouse crazy, by the way. (My poor husband could write a book on this one.) This pseudo-apology just wants the problem and the bad feelings associated with it to disappear at soon as possible. This person apologizes for things that aren’t their fault. Henceforth, a solution does not occur, and often the problem resurfaces and you find yourself in a destructive pattern.
Yikes. Is there any hope? But of course. The true apology is out there and it involves four parts (at least that’s what I’ve discovered thus far).
A true apology is an acceptance of responsibility. It states what you are sorry for, and does not include any footnotes. “I’m sorry I broke the vase, but if you hadn’t put it there…” No, you broke it, you apologize. I’m sorry I broke the vase. I’m sorry I said those words. I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry I threw your Sunday School paper away. No excuses. Claim responsibility for your mistake.
Secondly, a true apology seeks forgiveness. When we do wrong (sin) our relationship with God is hindered. We seek forgiveness with him first, for that is where true forgiveness lies. After you have sought and received forgiveness from God, seek it from the person you wronged. Mommy is sorry she yelled at you. I’m sorry I punished your for something your brothers did, will you forgive me? I’m sorry I talked to Mom about that without asking you first. Even if your sister is so hurt, she refuses to forgive you, you have done your part. Here comes part three.
A true apology seeks restitution. I know I hurt you and I am sorry, how can I make it up to you? I would like to buy you a new vase. Can I help you draw another picture? Restitution is not always immediate and it is not a giant eraser. Hurtful words are like squeezed out toothpaste. They aren’t going to go back and they may be messy to clean up. Restitution just means you truly care and you want to do better. When my kids apologize for “hitting”, I tell them it means “it won’t happen again.” They are committing to a change in behavior, and hopefully a change in will.
Lastly, true apology seeks a solution. I am going to commit to watching my words so I don’t hurt you again. I am going to make sure I ask you before I throw your papers out. I don’t want to sin again. Like repentance, true apology involves a turn-around. So the next time you hear the words, “I’m sorry” escape your lips, stop and ask yourself if you are truly apologizing.
Well, that’s it. If you have any comments, I would love to hear them.
A true apology does not apologize for WHO you are. God made you on purpose. Yes, you have shortcomings, otherwise known as opportunities for growth and dependence on God. However, when you apologize for your character, you aren’t taking responsibility or working on growth. For example, when I say, “I’m sorry, verbal communication is not my strong point.” While the statement is true, I shouldn’t be apologizing for it. The “I’m sorry” can even be taken at “I’m sorry you don’t like it, and I’m not working to change it.” I have been hugely guilty of this one.
Secondly, a true apology does not apologize for circumstances beyond your control. We have all said, “Oh, I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well.” This is another one for me. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry you bumped your head outside.” My six-year-old enlightened me, “You weren’t there, mom. It wasn’t you. Don’t say you were sorry.” This really makes me think. He’s right, it’s not MY fault. Yes, I feel bad he was injured and I should seek to comfort and help, but to apologize? Doesn’t that just put the emphasis on me? Ouch.
A true apology does not seek to escape conflict. Oh, you know who you are, you conflict-avoiders. This is a big one for me. I tend to apologize before I even understand the problem. This can drive your spouse crazy, by the way. (My poor husband could write a book on this one.) This pseudo-apology just wants the problem and the bad feelings associated with it to disappear at soon as possible. This person apologizes for things that aren’t their fault. Henceforth, a solution does not occur, and often the problem resurfaces and you find yourself in a destructive pattern.
Yikes. Is there any hope? But of course. The true apology is out there and it involves four parts (at least that’s what I’ve discovered thus far).
A true apology is an acceptance of responsibility. It states what you are sorry for, and does not include any footnotes. “I’m sorry I broke the vase, but if you hadn’t put it there…” No, you broke it, you apologize. I’m sorry I broke the vase. I’m sorry I said those words. I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry I threw your Sunday School paper away. No excuses. Claim responsibility for your mistake.
Secondly, a true apology seeks forgiveness. When we do wrong (sin) our relationship with God is hindered. We seek forgiveness with him first, for that is where true forgiveness lies. After you have sought and received forgiveness from God, seek it from the person you wronged. Mommy is sorry she yelled at you. I’m sorry I punished your for something your brothers did, will you forgive me? I’m sorry I talked to Mom about that without asking you first. Even if your sister is so hurt, she refuses to forgive you, you have done your part. Here comes part three.
A true apology seeks restitution. I know I hurt you and I am sorry, how can I make it up to you? I would like to buy you a new vase. Can I help you draw another picture? Restitution is not always immediate and it is not a giant eraser. Hurtful words are like squeezed out toothpaste. They aren’t going to go back and they may be messy to clean up. Restitution just means you truly care and you want to do better. When my kids apologize for “hitting”, I tell them it means “it won’t happen again.” They are committing to a change in behavior, and hopefully a change in will.
Lastly, true apology seeks a solution. I am going to commit to watching my words so I don’t hurt you again. I am going to make sure I ask you before I throw your papers out. I don’t want to sin again. Like repentance, true apology involves a turn-around. So the next time you hear the words, “I’m sorry” escape your lips, stop and ask yourself if you are truly apologizing.
Well, that’s it. If you have any comments, I would love to hear them.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Ginger Morning Star Bettis
My parents just returned from a two week journey to Washington State to visit my sister and her family. Here is a picture of my beautiful niece, born in November. My sister is holding her. Isn't she cute?
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
The Coldest Day of the Year
It all started with replacing the bath tub drain…grandma’s drain, that is. It went so well Ryan decided to replace ours. There’s an interesting phenomenon in a house that’s about 100 years old. Perhaps some of you have experienced it. It’s this: when you begin one simple project, it doesn’t stay simple. First, the drain was old and didn’t want to come out. Not to be daunted, Ryan consulted with the hardware store and came home with new tools and new resolve. At last, success! Now for the new…wait a minute…oh…the pipe beneath the drain was a little…rusted.. It fell apart when Ryan touched it. “Sorry, honey, no bathtub this week.” I taught my kids how to shower at the YMCA. (One cooperative child out of four isn’t bad, right? I had three showers too. They should consider sound-proofing the family restrooms.)
The weekend arrives and Ryan is ready. We don’t have a basement and access to the underside of the bathtub is through the back porch. That’s right, outside. So Ryan shoveled the snow away, and took up the plywood to reveal our small insulated crawlspace. After a couple hours of cold, cramped work, and several setbacks, including losing tools in the amount of snow accumulating on the porch, he emerged and decided to finish in the morning. He would later regret this decision, along with the decision of even being a home owner. (This is also the moment he realized he was going to have to crawl back under there one more time to locate his cell phone.)
The morning of February 11, 2008, dawned. It was Sunday, the coldest day of the year. It was five degrees with a negative 12 windchill, plus snow and 50 mile an hour winds. They cancelled our church. The boys and I were up first when we discovered the water in the bathroom (our only bathroom) was not working. This meant no flushing of the toilet (the only toilet). Maybe Ryan shut it off? But that wasn’t it. Remember it’s the coldest morning of the year? Yes, our pipes are frozen.
Did I mention we were going to have a little birthday party for the boys at 2:45? I already made cupcakes. I even vacuumed. “Should I cancel?” “Definitely”. So I called and cancelled. I also called my dear sweet grandmother and invaded her home for the day.
The roads were so bad I couldn’t tell where the lanes were. Plus the white outs. Tim says, “I’ll watch for the lights, mom, and you watch for the road.” We made it. Grandma has lots of room, running water, and working toilets, so it was a fun day for all of us, except for Ryan. He called me when we had running water. Only one heart stopping moment when he thought he set the house on fire. The toilet water rushed in warm. It was just from the heater he was using on the pipes. Later that day Ryan called again and praise the lord, the plumbing was fixed. He actually took a shower without water pooling to his ankles. He wasn’t exactly a happy homeowner, and he was certainly warmer and the situation was much improved. Just when all looks well… So I loaded up the van, put boots on the boys and decided to go start the van first. The van would not start. It would not even click. I called the exhausted husband and he faced the cold once more to come jumpstart the van. However, it would not hold a charge.
Grandma said we were welcome to stay the night, after all, the roads were bad. So we stayed. I used to spend nights at Grandma’s when I was a child so this was a treat for me. We put the kids to bed and sat around talking, crocheting our afghans, and watching some lifetime movie (Grandma’s favorite channel). The next morning we were up early and we all climbed into Grandma’s bed to say Good Morning. We had a big pancake breakfast, I did school with the kids, and we watched cartoons and played all day. After work, Ryan came to work on the van some more, and I am happy to report that we are all home again. Whew!
The weekend arrives and Ryan is ready. We don’t have a basement and access to the underside of the bathtub is through the back porch. That’s right, outside. So Ryan shoveled the snow away, and took up the plywood to reveal our small insulated crawlspace. After a couple hours of cold, cramped work, and several setbacks, including losing tools in the amount of snow accumulating on the porch, he emerged and decided to finish in the morning. He would later regret this decision, along with the decision of even being a home owner. (This is also the moment he realized he was going to have to crawl back under there one more time to locate his cell phone.)
The morning of February 11, 2008, dawned. It was Sunday, the coldest day of the year. It was five degrees with a negative 12 windchill, plus snow and 50 mile an hour winds. They cancelled our church. The boys and I were up first when we discovered the water in the bathroom (our only bathroom) was not working. This meant no flushing of the toilet (the only toilet). Maybe Ryan shut it off? But that wasn’t it. Remember it’s the coldest morning of the year? Yes, our pipes are frozen.
Did I mention we were going to have a little birthday party for the boys at 2:45? I already made cupcakes. I even vacuumed. “Should I cancel?” “Definitely”. So I called and cancelled. I also called my dear sweet grandmother and invaded her home for the day.
The roads were so bad I couldn’t tell where the lanes were. Plus the white outs. Tim says, “I’ll watch for the lights, mom, and you watch for the road.” We made it. Grandma has lots of room, running water, and working toilets, so it was a fun day for all of us, except for Ryan. He called me when we had running water. Only one heart stopping moment when he thought he set the house on fire. The toilet water rushed in warm. It was just from the heater he was using on the pipes. Later that day Ryan called again and praise the lord, the plumbing was fixed. He actually took a shower without water pooling to his ankles. He wasn’t exactly a happy homeowner, and he was certainly warmer and the situation was much improved. Just when all looks well… So I loaded up the van, put boots on the boys and decided to go start the van first. The van would not start. It would not even click. I called the exhausted husband and he faced the cold once more to come jumpstart the van. However, it would not hold a charge.
Grandma said we were welcome to stay the night, after all, the roads were bad. So we stayed. I used to spend nights at Grandma’s when I was a child so this was a treat for me. We put the kids to bed and sat around talking, crocheting our afghans, and watching some lifetime movie (Grandma’s favorite channel). The next morning we were up early and we all climbed into Grandma’s bed to say Good Morning. We had a big pancake breakfast, I did school with the kids, and we watched cartoons and played all day. After work, Ryan came to work on the van some more, and I am happy to report that we are all home again. Whew!
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Happy Birthday
The boys are three today. That means three years ago today I went to the doctor and then on to the hospital for a c-section and early delivery of two little babies. Two little babies I didn’t even get to hold as they were whisked away to neo-natal. But three weeks later, they were ready to come home. It’s three years later and they are now busy, busy boys, and no longer babies. I love these boys and their happy smiles and hugs and kisses and ideas while they are playing. Mark said to me yesterday, “I not Marky. I Lukey”. He says this while smiling mischievously and waiting for me to say, “no, no, no, you are Marky.” He just asked me to put his socks on his hands. He is playing pretend.
Ryan brought home a box of empty plastic lidless bottles that were headed for the trash at work. They look like shampoo bottles and the boys are having so much fun with them. They have gone bowling, to the grocery store, had a long line of bottles, and even marched while hitting them together as musical instruments. Who needs toys?
Lucas loves to hug your neck so tightly you can hardly breathe. He also says, “I got you, Babe.” He is also super-proud if he accomplishes anything by himself, like putting on his own socks (on his feet). “I do it all by myself!” he exclaims in awe.
I have always told Tim and Sarah and the boys that the boys are NOT allowed on the top bunk of the boys’ bed until they are three. When Tim found out today was their birthday, he asked if he could ‘show them around’ the top bunk. Go for it, Tim. They are now back playing bottles again.
A sure sign of age three. We are leaving the library and going through the process of putting on coats and mits, etc. As I am zipping my last coat, (my own), Marcus pipes up, “Come on, people, time to go.” Tim looks at me and says, “Did he just say ‘come on people’?” “Yes, he did.” Marcus’ words are echoes of Timothy, his hero, but I keep those thoughts to myself. I’m thinking I am going to like age three times two boys.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
"The difference between just looking and really seeing, between just hearing and really listening, and between just talking and really saying something is the difference between just life and really living." Those outside of Christ are like those waiting for their allergy medication to make things - Claritin clear.
Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life." John 6:68
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