Smash-bam

I got into a car accident, on April Fools’ Day…No Foolin’.. Wednesday morning was gray, wet, cold, and rainy; a perfect day for the mall. I had all four kids with me and we were on our way to meet a friend and her kids at Centerpointe Mall. We never made it. . For those of you familiar with the old Rogers Department Store on 28th. street in Wyoming, you know there is a blinking yellow light there. Why it is there remains a mystery as Rogers Department Store has been closed for quite some time and there really is no extra traffic.
The young lady in the white car in front of me was a little confused and slowed for the yellow light, coming to a complete stop to wait for it to turn red, then green. I did not see her brakelights in time to come to a stop. I braked and slid smash-bam right into her. We both pulled off the road. Kids were all okay. She was very apologetic, very shaken, but physically okay. It was her first accident and I felt bad for her. I instructed her to use her phone to call 911 and report the accident and the police department would send someone. We went back to our cars and waited. Tim wanted to get out and check out the damage so I let him do that, and Sarah began to cry so I held her on my lap, and we sang and prayed together, “I just want to go home, Mom.”
“I know, sweetie, we have to wait for the police officer.”
Fresh tears, “Is he going to take us to jail?”
“No, not at all.” The boys just wanted out and Lucas kept trying to squirm out of his buckles. I found some toys for them to play with while we waited. I was much more calm, cool, and relaxed than I thought I would be. I have never been in an accident as a mom before and I think it’s a little bit of the mother-bear thing to stay calm for your kids. After I received my traffic ticket and began the drive home, I noticed my hands were a little shaky. By the time we arrived home, my voice was shaky. I got the kids busy with other things and by the time I called Ryan, I was in tears. Thank you God for keeping me calm, cool, and collected when I needed to be.
It's not that I hit someone stopped at a red light. More than just the damage, more than the ticket, more than "yeah, everyone's okay," lies a deeper issue. A vision issue. Should I be driving?
It was a wet, dark, rainy day on a road I don't drive all the time. I was calm during and after the accident. I only got shook up and crying when I reached home. Ryan was grateful no one was hurt, but his biggest concern is the same as mine and the one question he asked is keeping me thinking. He asked, "Do you think I would've had that accident?" Absolutely not. Do I think some other licensed drivers would have hit her. Absolutely yes. So, I am really struggling with my vision issues.

Concerns:
If I crash on 28th. st., what about the drive to the gardens or the zoo or the children’s museum? There is a blinking yellow by the zoo.
Should I limit myself to Jenison? Grocery shopping and the bank. What about the library? No driving on rainy mornings?
What about dental appointments? I’m not super-familiar with the trek to the kids’ dentist office?
These questions fill up my mind. How do I make this judgement call?
Do we look for housing on the bus line? How soon? Can I be within walking distance to the library, park, and grocery?
What about help? Who has the time, patience, and vehicle to haul four kids and their mom to the dentist, or the zoo for the afternoon?
In three years, we can all bike, which is good for my present location, at least part of the year.
In 6 years, Tim can be in charge, and I can go for short treks alone. Will I be driving then? Eleven years until Tim is driving... will I be driving then?
All these questions and no answers. Please pray for Ryan and I when you think of us.